Identity: A Fresh Start

Shared from MY NEW BLOG: A LIFE CREATED

Identity: A Fresh Start

There are a lot of struggles when you go through a divorce, but a major blow is to your identity. You are no longer a spouse, and if you are female, there is a high chance that you will have to decide what to do about your name.

At first, I planned to keep mine--the married one. I, mean, my identity was very much wrapped up in it. I was a mom, a writer, and an employee. I had grown under that name. I blossomed. Most of my adult life existed under that label. But, after much consideration and about six months after the divorce, I decided to go back to my maiden name. I needed to embrace the truth that everything was different and therefore I was different.

It was so bizarre the first time someone called me Ms. Rhodes. I clearly remember thinking that familiar line, "Ms. Rhodes is my mom." But with this new name came a clean slate. A fresh start.
When you start fresh, you get to decide what your identity will become, because our identities are fluid. They are based on who we are now, and who we are aspiring to be. They are influenced by our past, but they are not our past. We do not have to remain the same individuals that previously existed. What we have lived through teaches us, and we have the opportunity to take those experiences and convert them into something fresh. Or, meh, we can remain the same. But, it up to us, because we are the ones to decide when to take action.

Everyone of us has the opportunity to start fresh in any given moment. We can stop the thing we are addicted to, we can start doing the thing we put off, we can learn about the thing we want to know, and we can decide to make a difference in the lives of others. It starts with deciding to do it. Then, with a little planning, much soul-searching, , and a ton of stick-to-it-ness, we can do the thing.
That is what I decided to do with my blog. I decided to start fresh. I posted for years (2008-2013) as AJ Frey. I did quite well. Not famous level, but I was part of a community. There were people who were very intrigued by my book, Iron Thirst.  After a while though, I found it too hard to keep showing up. I sat it down, and I put my focus and determination towards other things. (Capoeira, actually.) We can do this. Sometimes we realize there is another area of our lives that needs our focus, and our priorities shift. This happens for both positive and negative reasons. Maybe, we just need a fresh start.

When I decided to embark on this adventure, I felt that this journey needed its own blog under a new name since this whole thing is about building my new identity. (However, as you can tell, I'll share a few posts from the old blog from time to time.)

Next post, I will talk about my top 10 areas that need a bit of improvement. In the meantime, keep the conversation going below.

What are you missing in your life? What do you want to do better?
What bad habit are you ready to replace with a better one?
Who do you want to be?

****Be sure to follow my new blog. MY NEW BLOG: A LIFE CREATED ***

Sometimes You Need Anthems

Straight to the music...

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark by Fall Out Boy

Battle Flag (Lo Fidelity Allstars remix) by Pigeonhed

Explicit lyric warning...

 

 

This Girl is On Fire (Inferno version) by Alicia Keys w/ Nicki Minaj

Level Up Blogfest

Thank you to Mithrel Wisdom and Geek Banter for hosting the Level Up Blogfest. This is a great idea for blogfest. I didn't know what I wanted to write at first, but I knew I wanted to play.

I decided to take a look at what the phrase means to a writer, and I found a fun analogy. Hope you enjoy.

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When you first start writing, you are not sure how to play the game. You've picked up the controller (the pen) and know that something is pulling you towards it. You want to explore it, see how you do. You press forward and as you come to obstacles, you have to learn how to leap. Oh, you get snagged by that first one, but you stand up, dust off, and try again.

As you navigate through the game, you gain experience. You get points for writing daily, points for editing, points for reading. Those things that once seemed so hard before, now are just tiny obstacles. It starts to become more difficult. Now you aren't just going through simple motions, you are attacking missions-- first draft, query letter, second draft, synopsis, third draft, agent, forth draft, publisher, fifth draft, readers. Each level a new mission.

Somewhere along the way, you realize that you can't beat it alone. You begin to search for other people on the same journey. A band of souls trying to survive each of those levels--just like you. You have to go into the vast web and find them, building a team. Next mission, blogging.

http://shirtoid.com/14324/coins-2/

 

Once again, experience becomes a virtue. You start with just trying to first find that one reader, and soon you are excited about your next milestone. The first 10, the first 50, the first 100! You keep playing, gaining more knowledge, more skills, better gear. Tricking out your blog with gadgets and banners. Proud of all your accomplishments. All those points are adding up, and your momentum feels unstoppable after you step into your first blogfest, which feels like a room full of treasure. 

You were unstoppable, but something shifts. You hit sluggish parts of the writing. You feel you have been stuck on one part for far too long. You consider giving up the game. Walking away from all of your work, away from all of your hours of dedication, away from what you once couldn't imagine being away from.

Should you put down the pen?

No. You don't. You keep trying. You may fall down into the same pit, over and over again. But you keep pressing, "play again." You push and push and you break through. You level up.
   
Image from anarchycamp.tumblr.com

Just One Reason I Buy Art

 I am a firm believer in Karma. It's one thing, spiritually, that I have held on to no matter which book I was reading. It's a nice way for me to gut check throughout the day. Always asking, should I or shouldn't I? How would I feel if the situation were reversed? Empathy.

Photo property of LiciaJo Fotos

For that reason, I buy art. I try my best. I pick up random paintings that I need on my journey, I subscribe to music channels, I purchase books, my internet-based TV is legal, I am a member of NPR, and I pay for the songs that I listen to more than 7 times (with intent). I try my best.

I can't really call myself an artist. I've sold one photograph in my non-existant career as a creative individual. Everything I do is handed over to those who will appreciate it or not. I free balloons into the air, hoping one will catch a bit of wind and be carried further than my view. I love it. I do it, because I love it. When I bring a smile to a friend, when I make a new one, or when a stranger across the pond takes the time to say, "Cool!"--  my day is made.

But, I understand the desire to one day be dedicated to art. To live and breathe words, music, and images that expand the knowledge or view of a collective culture.To maybe even collect and connect cultures. A shared appreciation. To be able to call myself an artist in some form or another. This is why when given the chance, I buy art.

There are ways out there to listen, watch, and enjoy music and other art forms for free, and using these methods to explore and navigate through the vast amounts of material out there is needed. But knowing the difference between exploring versus taking advantage is key. Once I've decided I need that piece of art, I make the transition and money exchanges hands.

Music, specifically. I am enjoying writing about music. I am exploring songs out there in the never-ending internet jukebox. Each song that I've written about, I've made sure to download. During karma gut checks that is what I feel is right. And if I am recommending music to others, I should own what I say others should try. I also hope that others will appreciate songs and add it to their collection, while also helping add to the growth of the artist that created it.

I am not going to tell others to buy what I suggest, but I will mention my thought process in hopes of a gentle nudge towards a shared viewpoint. Many of you out there that read my blog also create. You also want to grow into an artist appreciated by a collective culture. You also want to be appreciated for your efforts. Do you buy other people's art?  When you do, do you feel more connected to the person that created it?What is your philosophy on buying art?

MM: Fun, People in the Basement, and the Apocolypse

I have a nice little mix of music to deliver to you this Monday. My iPhone has been playing out three songs this past week. All male artists, all unique -- one unreleased single, an Irish indie rock song, and a song about the Apocolypse that is getting a bit of radio play.

All Alone by Fun.

Fun. had a great night at the Grammys this year, nominated for six and winning two major awards. They walked away with gold gramophones for the Best New Artist and Song of the Year (We Are Young). (source)  The three songs that have been released have gained them much traction: We Are Young, Some Nights and Carry On.

If all three songs being played off the album are downloadable, my question was--should I buy the whole album? That is up to you. But in my exploration, I found that only one more song off the album was worth the $1.29 price tag. Like all of their music, it is a unique song, great lyrics, and unusual musical qualities. The music box instrumentals match the story the song tells.  It has quickly become my favorite song on their album.

Undercover Martyn by Two Door Cinema Club

 Two Door Cinema Club is an Irish indie rock band that formed in 2007. They toured the US this past year and are starting to gain a bit of forward momentum. The song, Undercover Martyn, was released in the United States in 2010, but never really touched the charts. It topped out in the UK at 79 and in Ireland at 49. The US did appreciate another song off the album titled What You Know (peaked on the Billboard Alternative Charts at 22) -- though I feel we missed the mark. (source)

Undercover Martyn was the third song the band wrote together. According to an interview with Baeble Music, the song is a made up story describing a guy who is scared to do something, but he knows he has to, and it pays off in the end. a metaphor for the starting of their band. I love the layers in the song, the story, and the catchy lyrical loops. It was a 'one listen, must download' experience for me.

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

I love me some Imagine Dragons. They can do no wrong by me, and this song is no exception. It started radio play is some cities as early as April of 2012, but was just recently released for download on February 6th of this year. It is already getting much love. So far it has hit #2 on the Billboard Alternative charts, #8 on the Rock charts, and #33 on the Hot 100 charts. (source)

The song is musically complex and lyrically simple, though still deep and profound. The most common interpretation of the song is accepting change and the beauty there is to behold. They talk of surviving the apocalypse, dusting off, and welcoming the new age.



So, feedback.  What do you think of this week's musical choices?  What about you? What songs did you download this week? What have you had on repeat on your iPod?

Recycled: Designed for a Second Reading

 (This video can still make me cry laughing)

I am one of those people who only reads books or watches movies once. (With the exception, of course, of TV repeats such as Breakfast Club.) I hardly ever buy DVDs, and could live with only my library card – but my need for “now” and my future dream employment leads me to still buy my books. (Karma thing)

But there are a few books and movies that are specifically designed for a second reading/viewing. I’m going to focus on movies for this post, because it’s more likely that we have all seen my examples rather than books that I might mention.

Two great examples of movies designed for a second viewing are “Fight Club” and “Sixth Sense”. Movies where the ending left you screaming, “Oh. My. God” -- “No Way!” –or-- “Shut the front door!” If you are like me, you started the dang thing over to catch all the clues sprinkled throughout the movie that you couldn’t see before. Clues that were so subtle you wouldn’t have caught them, but now it’s right there like a neon sign.

All of these examples include a big flip. Big Flip = Change that switches the perceived reality of the situation. I love this style, and to be honest – it’s what I want to be when I grow up. If you’ve read my short stories, they have this in common. Iron Thirst, yep – you guessed it, falls right in line.

The trick is wording and subtlety. The clues must be there, but they need to be invisible and only seen when your readers go through the book the second time. As if by finishing the book, they are handed a special decoder pen that unlocks all the hidden secrets you have tucked inside. An example of where this is not done well is “Hancock”. There are no clues leading up to the big flip. It’s just there. Like the writer said, “Ooo, this would be cool”. You have to appreciate and respect your audience. People will pick your work apart looking for holes and inconsistencies. The entire novel/movie must support the big flip.

But you can’t be too obvious. If people see it coming like a giant flying booger then the effect is lost. It will plop on the page, and your readers will be very disappointed. Superman Returns is a great example of this. The big flip of the boy being his son. My reaction - Duh! That movie is a great representation of plot holes and inconsistencies. You want a lesson on what not to do – watch this movie with a critical eye. Seriously. Sorry, rambling…

I was very fortunate to have the same person read my manuscript twice to help prevent this. (Thank you, Beej! You’re still the best.) The first time she read it, I wanted to know when and if she figured things out or if she had guesses as to what was coming next. My favorite answer was on one particular surprise, “Not until you revealed it in the book.” (Giggle, giggle, girl dance.) Then for round two, I wanted her to see where I put the clues – and she got ‘em. It was awesome to see her draw a big red smiley face by one in particular. (Woohoo! Success.) Sorry that was vague, but I hope that one day you will all read it – and I won’t be my own spoiler.

Have you used this style in any of your work? What’s one of your biggest flips? What’s the worst you’ve ever seen? (Be vague; we don’t want to be spoilers.)

Freestyle Friday: Getting out of a Musical Rut

Exploring new music is one of my favorite past times. I hate to get stuck in a musical rut. If the only new music you are exposed to is what is dished out by your local radio station, it is quite easy to do. We all know the drill. They introduce one new song, and then play it to death. Or until you are ready to strangle it to death.

Back when I was growing up, it was much harder to explore new music. Pretty much your only option was to hit up the local record store. I still love to do this, even though these days they are much harder to find.

Technology has made it simple to find new tunes. I have a few websites and apps that I use to keep the music playing. The logos are clickable links.



Pandora is one of the most commonly used internet radio sources. You can plug in a band or song, and it will use it's special music genome project to spit out similar bands and songs. You can build up to 100 radio stations. The free version does include commercials, but you can upgrade to Pandora|One for $3.99 per month for zero interruptions. The fee is billed through your iTunes account. There is a great app for the iPhone and other mobile devices.

I love to take musical journeys by starting with one song that I like, and then keep building new stations until I find myself in uncharted territory. It doesn't just play the Top 40 or radio versions. It plays songs that are on the CD that you may never have heard before, live performances, or unique covers. And you can train it by giving thumbs up or down to songs.





 
Have you ever been walking through a store and heard the coolest song and thought, wow, what is this awesome song? Shazam is an app that is available for your mobile device that will kindly answer that question for you. You can just click Shazam and it will listen for about 10 seconds, tell you the name of the song and band, allow you to share it with friends on Facebook or Twitter, and download it from iTunes. I like to also use it to bookmark songs for later purchase. It also provides instant lyrics so you can stop screwing up your favorite songs.


This is my new favorite toy. It works like a music concierge. Music experts build top notch playlists. There are two main ways to use it. One is to just browse through the playlists available based on popularity, genre, or by a song. There is a wide range of options to choose from and it is all based off of your mood. This option requires you to be a bit more specific in your searching.

The second way, the way that I use the most often is the Musical Concierge. It's easier to just show you. You start with the screen below, which is different based on the day of the week and the time of the day.

 

 So, let's say I want to choose --Eating Dinner. Now I have a new set of options. 

Now, I select "Cool New Music", and it goes even further...

Click on any and the playlist will entertain. Not feeling it--go back and try again.  The thumbs up, thumbs down, and skip functions work just like that in Pandora.  Biggest difference--free and zero commercials.  

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There are other great music players out there such as Spotify and Grooveshark, but these are my favorite for finding new music at the moment.

But don't forget, if you find yourself in a musical rut - ask your friends what they are listening to. I found a whole genre of music just by asking a friend what he was listening to. Post the question on Facebook, and you will be surprised by the response. But whatever you do -- keep exploring. Life is too short to spend it in a rut.

So, what are you listening to these days? Have you used these sites? What are your favorite apps or websites for exploring new music?