Sunday, March 7, 2010

Contest Winners and The Complete Story

I hope you all had as much fun with this contest as I did. I believe this is going to be a regular occurrence here on Eyes 2 Page. From where I was sitting, it was so exciting watching the story unfold.

Before I announce the winners to the Keep It Going Contest, I have an award to give out.
The Sunshine Award came to me via Laurel at Laurel’s Leaves. (Thank you!), and I want to pass it along to a few people that bring a little sunshine into my life with their wonderful blogs.

Alright, without further ado…
The winners of the contest have won their choice of either a $10 gift certificate to Amazon or a critique of 10 pages – their choice.

The winners are…

Congrats to each of you! Email me by clicking on the envelope, and let me know which you would prefer.

This was so much fun. Thanks to everyone who played along. I added an ending to the story, and have posted the story in its entirety for your enjoyment. Lots of talent went into the story below!

Did you have fun with this contest? Any suggestions for a better name? Suggestions to make the contest even more fun?

The story…

Janet paced back and forth, wearing out the pile on the speckled berber rug. Tommy should have arrived over two hours ago. He was supposed to be in, out, and back in her arms. The bags were packed, the car was gassed, and the GPS was programmed.
“What’s taking so long?” she said aloud, releasing the blinds. The new crease in the thin plastic strip showed her impatience.
She turned on the television, finding the local news. Forcing herself to sit down, she stared, praying that the newscaster would not tell her something that her cell phone had not.
Her skin nearly touched the ceiling when the doorbell rang.
She leaped from the couch. Not bothering with the peephole, she swung open the door.
“What are you doing here?” Janet asked.
                                                                                                ---A.J. Frey

Standing poised at the entrance was the tenacious and diplomatic Sonya Reed. Beautiful and wealthy with clothes to match. Smart as a whip, and just as flexible; in bedside manners as well as politics.
"I haven't come at a bad time have I?" Sonya asked. Her devious, plastic smile suggested she knew the answer to her own question. Sonya’s commanding demeanor was so powerful she needn’t even ask to be let in; she simply wafted through the doorway like a casual breeze, took off her gloves and tossed them onto Janet’s shoulder.
Sonya sauntered into the room, casually surveying the bags lying around the sofa. “Where are you headed?” She asked.
Janet slowly closed the door, her eyes fixed on Sonya.
“Vacation?” Sonya asked, still strutting around the sofa, pretending to not notice Janet walking toward the bags. “You know, with all the money Tommy’s going to get from that deal with Martin you two could travel anywhere you like, couldn’t you?”
Janet laid Sonya’s gloves on the arm of the sofa. She was so nervous she almost laughed. “Yeah—I—I guess we could.” There was a pistol stowed away in the open bag closest to Sonya. Janet feared she had already seen it, but wasn’t certain enough to give up trying to conceal the weapon. She carelessly grabbed a few random items off the coffee table (coasters, magazines, a remote) and moved toward the bag, trying to look as though she intended to pack the items away.
Sonya turned, nonchalant, meeting Janet’s eyes with her own. “You should.”

The tension in the room is unbearable. Janet maintains her gaze, as she reaches into the bag slowly.
Sonya's eyes avert down to the bag, attracted by the shine of the barrel of a Glock 17 being pulled out.
"What are you doing?"
Janet's grip is unsteady, but she raises the gun and points it at Sonya. "I don't have the patience for your bullshit right now, Sonya. This deal is going to change our lives."
Sonya smiles, "What, are you going to shoot me?"
The door opens behind Sonya, and Janet reacts impulsively, answering her question. Sonya's  body drops, as Tommy stops in his tracks.
"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I... Ugh..." She looked down at the gun. Had she actually pulled the trigger? She certainly hadn't meant to. Oh, boy. Now what was she going to do?
Sonya stirred, slowly opening her eyes.
"Oh, thank God. You passed out," Janet said, offering her hand to help Sonya to her feet.
Sonya slapped her hand away and glanced over at Tommy. "You get it?"
He nodded.
"Perfect. Now, let's get the hell out of here."
Janet's heart sunk. "What's going on?"
Sonya laughed. "She has no clue? You've been a bad boy, Tommy. I thought you were going to tell her."
He shrugged. "Never got the chance."
Janet fisted her hands on her hips. "Tell me what?"
Tommy faltered, his eyes flickering toward the gun just long enough to declare his guilt.
Janet’s gaze narrowed and she shook her head. The puzzle pieces began to click together in her mind so obviously that she cursed herself for not having seen it before. Of course. It had been Tommy and Sonya all along. Why would she ever have thought that he would choose her over someone so dangerous, so seductive? Someone who oozed confidence and sexuality. Someone who… was still alive.
“Damnit.” Janet raised the gun toward Sonya. The relief that she had not shot her quickly soured into regret.
“Jan, it’s -“ Tommy began. Janet kept the gun trained on the smirking woman and thought she read sadness in Tommy’s eyes.
“It’s Elise, sweetheart,” Sonya cut in. Janet felt the foundation within her begin to crack. Tommy’s warning glance at the woman was not lost on her.
“Sonya, don’t-“
“Why not?” the woman mused. Janet knew that Sonya was ruthless, but to be that careless in the line of fire? Then she saw it. The slight bulge under her armpits. The faintest squaring of her fitted shirt. She was wearing a bulletproof vest. Janet knew immediately that she was out of her league.
“She’s alive, kitten.” The words rolled out of Sonya’s scarlet tinged lips lazily and Janet hated her. Detested her. But now, she needed her. Because now this woman stood between her and her only child, a child that had been dead to her for the past two years.
Her grip faltered. "You're lying."
Sonya's eyes danced in challenge. "Am I? How would you know?"
Janet stared at her. She felt her resolve diminishing. She looked at Tommy, hoping somehow she could see what was in his mind.
"Just put the gun away, Janet. We can talk about it," Tommy assured her.
She shook her head, blinded by the tears already gathering in her eyes.

What did it matter now? She raised the gun again and pointed it at her baby’s Daddy. Tommy had no intention of turning over the money. Worse, he had no love for the child she’d willing sacrificed to his scheme. Her beautiful daughter Elise, used so carelessly in a game of cat and mouse with her father, Argus Frump. Her evil step mom in on the swindle all along.
Janet’s hand shook with her sobs. “But where is Elise? How do I get her back?”
Tommy frowned. “Back? We signed the adoption papers a week ago. It’s a done deal. Your Dad gets Elise, we get the money -”
“We; as in Tommy and I,” Sonya purred. “Stroke of genius that was, my love, offering his grandchild in place of the daughter he disinherited. Once he changed his will for his brother to be her payee, there was no sense my killing him.”
“But you signed the pre-nupt knowing you’d never get a dime, Sonya.”
“You can’t really believe I was in love with your balding, pouchy gutted father.” She licked her botox filled lips and puffed out her silicon filled chest. “It’s been Tommy and me all along. Who knew old Argus would really cut his only daughter from his will.”
“Tacky, babe,” Tommy warned. “Don’t give away all our secrets.”
Sonya's face hardened. “Now put that gun down, you silly twit. Or, we’ll release the video of you shooting me onto U-tube.”

"Bitch, please."
Those words are muffled by the sound of a gunshot. Tommy's face loses its expression, and his shirt turns red in the center. His body drops to the floor, due to a fatal, center-mass shot.
"Tommy!" Sonya screams, and drops to her knees, in what appears to be agony. "Don't you die on me! Not without telling me where the money is!" She hits him, out of anger, and realizes that it is not just her and Janet in the room. She looks to her left, to meet the business end of a second Glock 17.
"You ok, baby girl?"
"I'm fine, dad."
"Good, your daughter is downstairs, with my money, and Tessa. Why don't you go to the car, while I take care of this."
"Thanks, dad."
"Sonya, dear, I just don't think this is going to work out between us."

“Dad, let me,” said Janet, her eyes showing the full betrayal that her heart felt. “Please.”
            Argus handed the pistol to his daughter. Without the beat of a heart, Janet pointed it directly at Sonya’s head and fired, sparks of flint and blood cascading in the air. She didn’t repeat the mistake from earlier. This woman was out of her life for good.
            “Come on,” said Argus, gripping the doorknob.
            Janet paused for a moment, finally given the gift of clarity. “Elise is really downstairs?” she asked.
            “Yes, baby girl. Let’s go see her.”
            “Couldn’t crack the safe without me, could you?”
            Dear old dad’s face fell. “What?”
            “You need me to get the money.”
            He stared eye to eye with the barrel of his own gun. It was vibrating nervously in his daughter’s hands. “Jan, hun, it’s not like that.”
            “Oh, really. How is it? You made me believe she was dead. You and that bitch of a wife conspired against me. You stole everything from me. And when you realized that she was betraying you with Tommy, you needed me once more.”
            “No, baby, you’re wrong. Yes, I did some bad things. But, I love you. I came here to save you.” He stepped towards her, arms stretched and one hand heading straight for the pistol.
            Janet was done trusting. She was done being betrayed. She steadied her hand. “Bullshit, Dad, you came to save yourself.” And she fired.
            She shoved the gun in her bag, and then tossed the straps over her shoulder. She took the stairs two at a time. Her heart swelled when she saw the car. Elise was sitting in the back seat, kicking her feet. She stayed focused.
            “Where’s Argus?” asked Tessa.
            “He’s upstairs. He needs some help. I had my hands full.” She dropped the bag on the pavement beside the red sedan. “Why don’t you run up and see what you can do?”
            Tessa’s uncomfortable smile lifted her from her seat, and she ran up the steps.  As soon as she hit the first step, Janet tossed her bags in the back, and bent down to kiss her daughter.
            “Hey, gorgeous girl? Want to go to Disneyland?”
            “Woohoo,” said the little girl, her blonde pigtails bouncing with excitement.
            She kissed her daughter once more, climbed in the front seat, and left the rest behind.  
---A.J. Frey


  1. This was so much fun! I only wish that I would have remembered to come back more...I had such a crazy two weeks, I forgot.

    Thank you so much!! I'll be contacting you soon. ;-)

  2. Well, that sure took a lot of twists and turns! Might be a bit much to accomplish on a weekly basis, but it sure was fun. I also forgot to come back and write another excerpt.

    Thanks for the award too.


  3. Kristi - You are very welcome! Thanks for playing.

    Donna - I was laughing about that with a friend of mine. Almost had a soap opera feel. But it turned out pretty awesome. And I had to give poor Janet a happy ending. :-) Poor thing, needed it.

    I'm thinking more of a monthly thing. And changing up the genres each time. Also, might do a summary halfway through the week. I'm wondering if it was getting too long for people, and that's why they stopped contributing. If there was a summary in there, a brief synopsis, maybe it would be easier for those who come in later in the week.

    I'm still super thrilled at the turn out. (Good grief, I'm chatty today. What's up with that?)

  4. Aw...thanks so much for the award. I was going to do the Keep It Going Contest, but it had gotten so long by the time I had gotten here I was overwhelmed by all the reading I had to do to add. Sorry. But it neat to see people's additions.

  5. Thank you for the award! And congrats to all the contest winners. I enjoyed reading all of the entries. I'll post my award next Saturday!


  6. Thanks so much for sharing the Sunshine award, AJ!

    And congratulations to the contest winners and participants. This was a great idea and fun to read. As for future stories, a running summary is a terrific idea, or maybe even limiting the words per post to encourage more folks to participate. Love the notion of taking this to different genres.

  7. Great contest! Thanks for the award, and congrats to everyone else as well. I think you tied the story up very well too, A.J. looking forward to the next one.

  8. Tina- Thanks for the feedback. Do you think a summary would have helped?

    Michele - Glad you enjoyed it. I look forward to doing this again.

    VR- I think you're right. There was a limit on the word count, but I need to play with the length. I don't want to make it too short though, so each person has a chance to move the story forward. And it gives everyone a chance to showcase their style. It may take a few go's to work the kinks out. :-)

    Michael- You are very welcome! It was awesome how quickly you jumped on this! Don't forget to email me with your choice of gift cert or critique. :-)

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